If I go west from here.

We have chosen to look at a poem by local poet Greg O'Connell. The poem
has a West Coast feel to it. These are the things we 'noticed'

• That punctuation is not important 
• There are (mostly) 3 lined stanzas
• The 'Frame' has 2 parts
• If I go...If I go...If I go... When I go...
• You will see me in...feel me in...know me in...
• The first stanza has a metaphor (sea blue mine) which is linked to another (coalface)
• The second line of the first 2 stanzas start with verbs
• A preposition (beyond) is repeated on lines 2 & 3 of the 3rd stanza

Link to the poem in drive

Here is Skye's poem. What do you think?

The DRAFT Conversation

Today we looked at budding up and talking through the DRAFT process to make changes to our writing... (hopefully) for the better.

Finding 'significance' 2

The squash club is a poem that we all relate to as we've all spent time waiting. This is a perfect example of where we can find significance within things that are just the boring in-between bits in our lives. The same could be said about the following two.

We decided to focus on The Squash Club and this is what we noticed:

• 3 lined stanzas throughout
• no rhyme other than "...20 cent piece in the crease of..."
• The poem begins with a choice
• There are senses, noticings, actions and a conversations

Read the 3 poems below and complete the SOLO Compare and Contrast hotmap.

Exemplars

Heres Catherines version of 'squash club'

Teacher Stuff

Language features Show a developing understanding of how language features are used for effect within and across texts / Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects

Finding significance

This Town

The town was usual enough; it had
A creek, a bridge, a beach, a sky
Over it, and even a small tin church
I never went to. My brother, my cousins and I
Did what boys do - dozed in the hot
Schoolroom, made bows and arrows, dodged the mad
Boatbuilder, crept like rabbits through the black
Under-runners with a weak torch,
Burnt dry rushes, wrestled or swam
Doing nothing important

James K Baxter

What did we notice?

We noticed that the poem by James K Baxter found the extraordinary within the ordinary. To complete a poem like JKB we decided:

• To use the first line (The ? was usual enough) but include something from ours lives (backyard, garage...)
• To include 5 nouns but describe the 5th better than the others
• Name some people/person doing what that person does
• Include a list of verbs and nouns (describing the things we do and where)
• Frame the poem with doing nothing important

EXAMPLES

Below are a link to a couple of examples. Check them out.

Harrison's is a good example of using colloquialisms and making it sound conversational 

Skye's lets us into a private world and has a depth of feeling

Nina's lets us experience the fun of just having fun

drAft-Adding connectors

Connector words and punctuation are really useful to show the relationships among and between words. Connectors create cohesion in our prose (they stick things together). Check out how Neil Gaiman does it in Fortunately the milk...

Prepositions

Prepositions are the most basic connectors. They help orientate the reader in time and space and introduce examples, contrasts and comparisons.

Where are you meant to put something? When do you need to be there? (and where is there for that matter?)

The example below shows that prepositions are more than just: up, across, in, under. They indicate more than just mere location.

What examples can we find from text within the classroom that demonstrates how writers use prepositions to connect ideas,

Scavenger Hunt

The TAIL of the Gecko

The Tail of a Gecko

That was Hanmer! Part Duex!

AO: LANGUAGE FEATURES-Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.

INDICATORS-uses a range of oral, written, and visual features to create meaning and effect and to sustain interest

Vignette (pronounced vin yet) is a brief description, account or episode. Flash fiction is fiction with as little as 300 words and up to say 1000 and may have a protagonist, conflict, obstacles and complication (a short, short story in other words)

We are going to record a moment from camp (or from some other significant time) as a 'Vignette' or 'Flash Fiction'. 

We are going to tap into our experiences, find importance in them and then bring them alive using specific detail (showing not telling again!)

Click here for the 'Bare Bones' of a story.

Now read Beans by Patrica Grace

What has the author done to make it an effective piece of writing?

1. How has she made it sound like a child talking?
2. How does she make it seem as if she is talking to you directly? (a sense of audience)
3. Which part stays with you? Why?
4. Do you get a picture of the character and the scene?
5. What do we know about the boy?
6. What tells us how he is feeling?
7. What senses does the writer include?

Compare the "I play hard" from the 'bare bones' to the paragraph about 'playing hard'. Why is it more effective? Which part do you think you could rewrite and make your own?

Thinking about your 'That was Hanmer' poems; what is one memory you'd like to share. One thing you experienced that NEEDS to be said?

What would your listing sentence look like?

Visualise? Zero Draft?

Examples

(yet to be added)

How will we know that we have been successful? What will our success criteria be?

Useful Links

S.O.L.O Rubric

Structure and Language
Level 3 & 4 Exemplars

Blog Links 

Here is Marz's writing from last year...check it out!

Marz's Vingette-'2nd Game'

That was Hanmer

THAT WAS SUMMER by Marci Ridlon has a very easy frame to use. When we began to look at it deeper we noticed:

• Starts with a question
• Has a list of things that don't have to be related
• After the question in each stanza there are four actions or things happening within the question
• Senses are used near the end of each stanza
• Stanzas 1-3 finish with that was summer (repetition)
• Stanzas 2 & 3 begin with remember the time..?
• Stanza 4 begins with If you try really hard can you remember...

Begin first with a ZERO DRAFT. This is where only basic keys words are listed. Use a writers palette and add your key words there.

Examples

Luke's

DRAFT- 'A'=adding connectors

During our Writers WORDshop time we have begun to look at the deliberate acts writers make when editing or revising.

We use the mnemonic DRAFT. (see right & in resources)

Today we look at A Adding Connectors

We can use either CONNECTOR WORDS or PUNCTUATION to show relationships BETWEEN or AMONG words. 

These types of connector words are:

• prepositions
• conjunctions (Both flavours!Subordinating & Coordinating!
• relative pronouns

...and then there is

• Connector Punctuation

CONJUCTIONS

Our Examples

Prepositions

Now we turn our attention to these little critters...

Our Preposition Examples

Resources

DRAFT
Adding Connectors

Yesterday I had the Blues!

AO: LANGUAGE FEATURES-Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
INDICATORS:uses a range of oral, written, and visual features to create meaning and effect and to sustain interest & uses a range of vocabulary to communicate precise meaning

During POWERwriting last year, Saxon wrote a short piece about being the colour black. It then made me look around the class and try to match colours to everyone!

It made me also think that some days are green days, some days are yellow days and some days are blue days.

What are the sorts of feelings that are linked to colours? (Today I'm feeling hollow after the Black Caps loss, I'm wearing black, but feeling grey)

Are we certain colours more often? When are we others?

After reading 

The Frame
Can you choose a different colour and font to extend the story line further?

What's he building?

AO: PURPOSES AND AUDIENCES
Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.
INDICATORS:constructs texts that show an awareness of purpose and audience through deliberate choice of content, language, and text form
conveys and sustains personal voice where appropriate.

Whats he building? by American Musician Tom Waits is a very strange song. The listener/reader (& viewer-if you include the video) is made to feel uneasy. Tom Waits does this in many different ways. 

We noticed:

• Repetition 'Whats he building in there, what the hell is he building in there?'
• Unusual rhyme sequences-Sometimes 4 stanzas ABCB, sometimes a couplet AA, sometimes free verse.
• Uneasy content-A neighbour spying on a strange man next door.

 Click here for the lyrics

 

A Terrible, Horrible No Good, Very Bad Day

One of the earliest books I remember being read to me at Paroa School was Judith Voirst's Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible No Good, Very Bad Day. 

We have had a go at writing our own. When we looked at the Literacy of the book we decided that these were the things we needed to do to sound like Judith Viorst.

• Very long sentences
• A short sentence that gets repeated
• Repetition
• Not much description (but LOTS of events!)
• Personal past tense

Our Examples

Finns

Skye's

POWERwriting!

Today's POWERwriting topics are:

Invitation to notice

Writer's WORDshop #1

If this were a movie, I'd probably have to kill off my father in the first scene.

                                    From 'Defining Dulcie' (2006) by Paul Acampora, 

The Rules of Summer

Speaking, Reading & Presenting Purposes and audiences-Shows an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.
Indicators-constructs texts that show an awareness of purpose and audience through deliberate choice of content, language, and text form

This beautiful book by Shaun Tan is a simple story of two boys and the kind of 'rules' that exist. These rules are the sorts of strange rules that exist between friends.Like: Step on a Crack, Marry a Rat. Rules that may make absolutely no sense to someone looking in from the outside

Before Reading

What strange rules can you remember growing up?

After Reading

What were the sorts of things you noticed?

What was the literacy of story? A list? A poem? Can they be both?
What are the sorts things that clash between illustration and text?

We cant illustrate to extend our story-line so how can we get that strange dreamlike quality into our 'Rules'

Examples

Bethany and Novas ROS

Finns example

Marz, Baily & Zane's

Read more about the Rules of Summer